IT NEVER ENDS #4
ARYAN DISGRACE ~ Faggot In The Family 7in. (Mystic 1983)
Mystic's spellcheckers were out that day.
If there's one thing I associate with the Mystic label, it's the bargain bin. I
also associate Mystic with Bill's Records of Dallas, Texas. Of course, the idea of a discounted area at Bill's is laughable
and therefore the store had perhaps the largest accumulation of Mystic releases
outside of Doug Moody's garage. Bill had a unique pricing system: no price tags.
One simply selected the records one wanted and brought them to the counter. Bill
would size you up and do his best to determine exactly how much he could squeeze
out of you. His favorite justification for jacking up the price was that the record
was an "import". All Dischord releases ("jacket printed in France") qualified, of
course! Bill could smell the disposable income of a fourteen-year-old with a mom
in tow, so I — or rather, my mom — paid dearly for Dead Kennedys LP's
on the infrequent occasion we made the 45-minute trip to Dallas. Adding insult to
injury was sales tax. Once a customer acceded to the named price, Bill would then
tack on a buck or two for "sales tax" (always graciously rounded down to the nearest
dollar). All change was made out of his pocket. Receipt? Surely you jest.
Of course, had I been an unattended young lad, perhaps Bill might've offered me some
under-the-table discount options. See, Bill was particularly fond of young bucks.
His entire staff looked the part and were always a bit too helpful. The LP
stacks were always one or two boxes too long which meant one had to reach way far
back... all the better to check out hot young ass! He handed out keychains that
said "Head for Bill's Records" — even back then the double-entendre seemed
far from subtle. Despite record stores' inevitable diuretic effect on me (am I
the only one?), I never even considered setting foot in Bill's john. I'm sure it
had faux wood paneling (what's that hole for?) and a single light bulb hanging from
a cord to really "set the mood". My experiences at Bill's certainly reinforced my
tendency toward mail order (already firmly established in junior high by outfits
like Metal Disc and Earth Tunes — dig the Venom picture discs).
So, anyway, among the piles of Super Seven Series releases, I never once had the
good fortune to glimpse the ARYAN DISGRACE 7in. — far and
away the most collectable release on the label. Actually, I was under the impression
Aryan Disgrace was the ONLY collectible on the label, but in the past few years
I've been shocked to see several Mystic releases breaking original retail price.
With an A-side called "Faggot In The Family", I have a feeling scarce supply had
little to do with Aryan Disgrace's noticeable absence from Bill's stacks. The back
of the picture sleeve even includes a show review by Craig Lee (Bags, Catholic Discipline)
decrying the singer's fake Cockney accent and homophobia. As a fan of early Texas
punk, I've learned to embrace the occasional bogus English accent. While I can't
say the same for anti-gay bigotry, I can't deny diggin' "Faggot In The Family".
I especially like the "oh my god" uttered when the singer discovers either his brother
or father engaging in... well, I'll get to that in a minute. The flipside of the
record is a short little ditty called "Teenage S&M" about borrowing mom and pop's
whips and chains. Clearly Aryan Disgrace had a far more interesting home life than
most. I know precious little else about the band. Someone fill me in.
The most disgraceful aspect of this record is indeed its lyrics but not for what
Craig Lee railed against. Imagine my shock and disappointment when I found a clean
copy of the record only to discover that even the dirty words had been scrubbed right
out of the grooves! Instead of "couldn't find a pussy", I got "couldn't find a
NOOKIE". Instead of "he was sucking someone's cock", I got "he was STUFFING someone's
SOCK"... with an added echo to boot! Huh? A censored version of a punk record? On
a independent label in '83? Perhaps Mystic was hoping Wal-Mart would carry their
roster? I can only assume Mystic was looking for a more "radio friendly" release.
Considering the band name and A-side, the effort seems... well, ridiculous.
The labels, picture sleeves, and B-side etchings are indistinguishable between
the regular and censored versions. PROMO appears on all A-side
labels I've glimpsed while only the occasional picture sleeve is stamped as such
(not sure if these are associated with the "clean" version or not, but I'd bet they
are). The A-side etchings are...
CENSORED VERSION:
R-7738
M45 - 127B PROMO
© 1983 DM - RSM - RAINBO
THATS HOLLYWOOD
UNCENSORED VERSION:
R - 7739 -
M45 - 127A
REMEMBER GODZILLA'S
© 1983 DM - RSM - RAINBO
As with records and all things really, I prefer my bigotry uncensored and to honor
that notion and to conclude this here installment of IT NEVER ENDS
on a most delightful tangent, I bring you an ingenious mosaic portrait of America's
most powerful prude and rightwing nut:
Attorney General John Ashcroft.
— Ryan Richardson
September 25, 2004
